My First Father’s Day
by Chanel Smith
What’s going on y’all? It has been a long time since I’ve been on my blog and I can’t even blame it on time or the baby. I’ve simply been lazy the past few months but now I’m back just in time for my first Father’s Day! On April 4th my wife and I welcomed our baby boy into this world. I can truly say it has changed my life. Being a father is something that I take a lot of pride in for various reasons. I love the responsibility that comes with taking care of a new life that I helped create.
My wife and I share equal responsibility when it comes to raising our gift from God. WE ARE A TEAM. We may play separate roles, but neither is greater than the other. Torrey is going to need his mother’s caring and nurturing love. She will be there for him in a way that only a mother can be. He will need my unconditional love as well, even tough love at times. It is my job to protect and provide for him. I will be the example of what it is to be a man, husband, and father. Together we will support him while we continue to take care of each other and work towards being the best man and woman role models he could possibly have. From my life experiences I believe that this way of thinking will help us raise him to be the best man that he can be.
Everyone knows I grew up with my mother and younger siblings but no one ever mentions my father. Why? My mother and father never lived under the same roof. He was a military man down in North Carolina and it made it tough to be there and have a strong father son relationship. There is only so much a phone call or occasional visit can do. I didn’t realize until I was older that I built up defense mechanisms to avoid dealing with my feelings. So even if I didn’t think it bothered me, subconsciously it did.
Something as little as having support at a football games as a child changed my entire way of thinking. When I was younger NO ONE came to any of my games. My mom was either working or disinterested because she didn’t understand football until 8th grade (or later haha), and my father was obviously down in North Carolina or overseas. I would call other relatives and tell them to come to the games but NO ONE ever came. (Random Fact: My Grandma Lulu, Big Torrey, My Mom, and Dad (2x he was at war) were the only ones to ever see me play in high school). I used to look up into the stands when I did something good and 90% of the time I didn’t have a relative there. I grew older and just stopped looking into the stands and stopped picking up the phone to let people know I had a game.
It wasn’t until my wife started to get upset with me when I didn’t tell her about events that honored my accomplishments, that I started to think about it. I didn’t tell her because in my mind it wasn’t important. We argued many times because she felt that I didn’t want her there. In my mind I appreciated her support, but again in my mind “I didn’t need anyone there”. In college and now in the NFL she gets upset because all of my friends look up and wave to their family and I NEVER do it. As I sat back and thought about this, MY MIND WAS BLOWN. I thought I didn’t do it because I was focused on the game but all along I was fooling myself. It was because I was used to the disappointment of looking up and seeing no one there. What does all of this have to do with my son?
I now understand the importance of being there. I will be there for every doctor’s appointment, band recital, spelling bee, sporting event, school banquet, or whatever he will be a part of…because YES everything he does is important. I want him to know his dad will be there for everything so it’s the norm and expected by him. I don’t want it to be this big deal because I support him once every blue moon. I just want him to know that his dad loves him and truly cares for him.
My heart turned cold over the years but thanks to my wife and now my son I’m emotionally where I want to be. I tell my son I love him so he knows how to give and receive love. I always knew the people around me loved me but it wasn’t said, it was just actions. When they did say “I love you” it was flat out weird and I felt like an uncomfortable little kid. He will know that it’s ok to tell your family and friends how you feel about them. He will know that you can be tough and loving at the same time. He will also know that he changed my life.
My son has opened it up for my father and me to communicate on a different level. I think he will help us build our bond. At the end of the day I’m grown and I wouldn’t be the man that I am without the experiences I encountered in the past. I wouldn’t change a thing and I have no regrets. My biggest goal in life now is to make things right in the future, not only for me, but for my family as well. Even though my father wasn’t around for me he can now be there for his grandson (and other grandchildren when they come lol). He is very excited about being a grandfather and I know he will be a great one. Everything happens for a reason and TJ has been a blessing in more ways than one. I thank God for my son and my beautiful wife every day. They are my world! As I finish this blog post my son is currently waking up smiling ear to ear as always. I live for that. I live for him. I pray that you all have a Happy Father’s Day. If your father has passed on I hope that you cherish the times you had with him. If you are in the same boat as me, just remember it’s not too late to start over. All you need to do is pick up the phone and give it a try. Life is too short! Try to mend your relationships with your father (Mother). You may have had 99 bad years but maybe this next one will make it all worth it.
Torrey Smith's Off-Season Blog Full Of Random Thoughts 
Very well written, inspirational even. You should consider writing a book. God bless you and your beautiful family.
Torrey you are truly a inspiration and a role model to all the boys and men .. Thank you for all you do. I love you and chanel you guys are the best. Keep up the great work as a father and a husband .. From ur biggest fan …
love this
This is first blog I’ve EVER read and it was awesome! I’m sure it in turn has inspired many. Thank You for taking the time to share this. God Bless You & May you enjoy your First Father’s Day! 🙂
Beautiful post. Many need to read and understand the importance of fathers. Happy Father’s Day Torrey
Torrey! Thank you for putting the simple fact how important some “being there” really is, also admitting that fact you built up a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with your feelings. A lot of people don’t even atleast try to realize what they actual suffer from subconsciously.
This was a solid post Torrey, I hope people are reading.
Happy Father’s Day.
Thank you so much for sharing!!! This really blessed me and I pray that it blesses others!! Such an awesome testimony! May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family!
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. You said some very important things. Most people don’t take time to be self aware. That awareness will make you a wonderful father. Happy father’s day!
You have grown into a fine young man, husband, and father. You did not let the past define who you are. You took what you could from it and learned. Letting your father into TJ’s life and reestablishing a relationship with him speaks much for where your heart is. A father and mother would be proud to have you as a son. I am proud of you and you are not even mine! God bless your family.
You are the epitome of everything a father should be. Both you and your wife’s IG pics brighten my day all the time. It’s so refreshing to see a couple my age doing things the right way. Y’all are my inspiration. Love your beautiful family! I’m not even a Ravens fan, but I will definitely be rooting for you this season! God Bless ♥
What I have just read, just showed me that you can’t have the past mess your future up. This message you wrote, I believe will help me forgive my father and mother who I was not raised by. Father’s day and even mother’s day are the hardest holidays for me. Thank you for that kind message.
My 14 year old lost his dad 7 weeks ago and I could not agree more with everything you said. Particularly the encouragement to pick up the phone. Elijah’s dad wasn’t always there for him, but he was there for every 9th grade football game this year and yes, my son looked for his dad. I can’t begin to tell you how many milestones he missed, but football was the one thing they shared so this next season is going to be tough. He missed baseball games and basketball tryouts. I was furious he didn’t make the basketball team because he lacked “fundamentals”. Simply, his dad never taught him and we don’t live in a neighborhood where he could have learned from others. His dad would have never won Father of the Year, but he loved our boy more than he loved himself. Sometimes we don’t understand why dads disappear, but often they have their own crosses to bear. It doesn’t make it right, but it can lead to understanding and ultimately to forgiveness. If anyone has the opportunity to make it right, take it. Tomorrow may never come. The single greatest thing his dad ever did for him was in their last visit, Easter he told him, “I know I haven’t always been there for you like I should, but you know I love you, right?” Even a fragmented father-son relationship is better than none at all. Elijah was able to spend his first father’s day without a dad with his grandfather whom he never even met until his dad’s funeral. His “pappy” wasn’t in his dad’s life either. His dad never learned how to be a dad and instead of taking the course you’ve committed to, Donele took the course of his father. The grandfather wants to try to make it up by knowing his grandson because it’s too late to make amends with his own son. Life is far to short to live with regret when so much opportunity exists. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We’re Ravens fans and have loved you since day one. I was your 1,212 Twitter follower lol. Proud of it too! Saw the talent in training camp your rookie year. Love you and the Mrs and now little TJ. No matter the talent or skillset on the field, you are a far greater human being and your devotion to your family is exemplary. May God continue to bless you.
Awesome blog/testimony. Your story will encourage so many who are dealing with similar situations.
Perfect. Yes, I got teary-eyed lol. God Bless you and your family. Your journey is filled with gratitude.
Your blog just brought tears to my eyes and even though I am a woman it has moved me to possibly try to mend my broken relationship with my mother. I had the same experience in high school athlete and no one ever came to my games. Now my little brother has the same issue. He plays for Dunbar hs and he is really good I know he’s gonna make it but he needs support so my husband and I try to be at every game to support him. He has the same relationship with his father and tries to just focus on football and cover up his feelings. I will make sure that I have him read this blog to help him. Thank you so much for posting this. There are so many children out there who are or have experienced this.
Reblogged this on krissy Blogs about it and commented:
Best thing I’ve read all year!
I am an English teacher at your old middle school and I cannot say enough good things about the power of your writing. You have an incredible gift that has nothing to do with your athletics. Your writing is so “real” to readers (even the kids in my class) that they can feel the emotional weight behind it. Thank you for your honesty and humble nature. Your wonderful writing will serve as a permanent record of your beliefs and values. God bless you.
I stumbled across your blog this evening while watching the Ravens play the Steelers. I cried through the entire story. Your writing is so real and how brave of you to share such raw, emotional and personal thoughts, feelings and events. You are an inspiration to many. I wish you and your family the best. God bless.